I Lost Myself Building the Thing I Dreamed Of

The honest truth about the first six months of owning a business, losing my identity in the process, and learning how to find myself again outside of being “the studio owner.”

This might be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been online, but I thought sharing it might inspire someone else who feels uninspired, disconnected, or a little lost in the version of themselves they worked so hard to become.

Starting a business has been one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever done. It has also made me lose myself in ways I never expected.

When you open something that is entirely yours especially when it’s only you and your husband behind it the business slowly starts to consume every part of your identity if you let it. And for the past six months, I think I did.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped feeling like me and started feeling like only “the studio owner.”

That became my entire identity. My conversations, my thoughts, my content, my schedule, my nervous system… all of it revolved around the studio. Even my online presence shifted into something that honestly didn’t even feel like me anymore. I started creating content that felt forced and overly “business owner coded,” instead of content that actually reflected who I am and how I naturally like to express myself online.

I love fashion. I love beautiful design. I love following what my favorite brands are doing creatively, aesthetically, culturally. I love the art direction of a campaign, the feeling of a runway collection, the way certain people curate their lives and personal style so effortlessly. And I realized recently that I’ve been so deeply consumed by studio talk and operations and survival mode that I haven’t even given myself the space to stay connected to the things that make me feel inspired and creatively alive.

I miss that version of myself.

I also lost my love for routine, which is something I never thought I’d say. Routine used to ground me. It made me feel healthy, clear, productive, and present. But owning a business, especially in the beginning, made routine feel almost impossible. Every day felt reactive. Every problem felt urgent. Every notification felt important. And eventually I stopped prioritizing the habits that made me feel like a person outside of work.

The truth is, the first few months of opening, I was such a chronic people pleaser.

I wanted every single person to love every detail. I took everything personally. If someone didn’t like something, if someone complained, if someone had feedback, it would genuinely affect me for days. I became so focused on making everyone else happy that I completely lost the plot of why I wanted to open the studio in the first place.

I wanted to build something exactly how I envisioned it.

Not something watered down by fear of dislike.
Not something shaped by trying to avoid disappointing people.
Not something built around everyone else’s opinions.

And I think when you care deeply, and when your name is attached to something, criticism can feel incredibly personal at first. But over time, I realized that constantly abandoning your own vision to make everyone comfortable will slowly disconnect you from yourself.

I also lost boundaries.

I stopped being present. I was always on my phone. Always answering. Always checking. Always thinking about what needed to be fixed, scheduled, posted, replied to, improved. I became physically somewhere but mentally somewhere else.

And honestly? I lost a lot of my spark.

Living in LA and NYC made me feel so inspired creatively. There was an energy there that made me dream bigger, dress better, create more, romanticize life more. And over these past six months, I think I drifted away from that version of myself because I became so buried in responsibility and survival mode.

This isn’t me complaining about owning a business. I love being an owner. I love our clients. I love what we built. I love that my husband and I created this from absolutely nothing with no investors, no advisors, no big team behind us… just us figuring it out as we go.

But this is the honest truth of what the experience has felt like behind the scenes.

Not the fabricated “TikTok day in my life.”
Not the perfectly curated founder content.
Not the romanticized entrepreneurship narrative.

Just the real, raw truth about being six months into building something for the first time.

And I’m also not writing this just to speak negatively, because one thing about me is: if I’m unhappy with something, I’m going to do something about it.

So what am I doing now?

I’m starting to find myself again intentionally.

Quarterly trips to places that make me feel inspired and connected to myself creatively again. Places that refill me not only as a person, but as a founder and visionary.

Holding stronger boundaries with my phone and my time.

Hiring help for admin tasks so I can focus on what I’m actually good at: growing the business, building the vision, teaching, creating. Because I still love teaching so much.

Getting a personal trainer again to help hold me accountable and rebuild a routine that genuinely works for me.

Cooking more at home. Eating intentionally. Staying on top of my water, fiber, supplements, and habits because feeling physically healthy affects everything.

And maybe most importantly allowing myself to share my other passions again.

I love fashion inspiration. I love creating healthy meals. I love sharing my workout split, healthy habits, mindset shifts, beauty finds, creative inspiration, things that genuinely make me feel excited to be alive.

I love my job and I love to work, but that should never be my only personality trait and identity.

I love the studio deeply. But I do think I lost myself a little while building it. And now I want to find her again.

And honestly? I’m really excited to.